Gamzee x Reader - The Joker
by e-bartkowiak
Summary: Goatdad was gone... again... this time much longer than ever before. But... there's something next to Gamzee's hive. A gift from Mirthful Messiahs. A little pet to keep him company.
1. A gift from Mirthful Messiahs

It was a week. A whole week since Gamzee had seen Goatdad for the last time. He had disappeared many times, each time saying he would be back soon and he indeed had came back… after a day or two, but he had never been gone for a whole week!

When the green sun hid behind the horizon, Gamzee once again went to the beach. He lay few bottles of Faygo and sopor slime pies on sand and only then - he sat down himself. He waited. Minutes and hours were passing and he was sitting and waiting. He emptied bottles of colored drink, ate the lime pie. Once he was looking at the line separating water from the sky and other time he was watching a slow journey of the moons. He waited uncertain when - or even if - Goatdad will be back.

Finally, when the east began to clear, Gamzee stood up and, after collecting garbage, he went back to the hive. To his surprise, something was lying near the entrance. Its shape resembled a troll girl about his age, but at the same time it was quite different. First - it's skin wasn't gray, but some kind of [skin tone] with some yellow-purple spots here and there. Secondly - it had not horns; not at all! And thirdly - its [length] hair were [color].

Gamzee glanced toward the horizon. Seeing that the sun was rising, he threw the garbage into the hive, picked up this sleeping being and went inside. He kicked the door shut behind him and put the strange creature on a nearby sofa. For a moment he looked at her, wondering what exactly to do next.

He put his hand on her shoulder and shook it gently. She grunted and turned her head to the other side, but nothing more. Gamzee shook her arm again, this time a little harder. Again, she grunted and turned her head, but this time she opened her eyes.

Well, another proof that this something-like-troll was strange, she had white eyes instead of yellow and [color] irises instead of grey like all trolls his age had. They also were much [brighter/darker] than any [color]blood could ever have.

There was a silence. Gamzee quietly watched as the alien creature was staring at him with wide eyes. Her lips trembled as if to say something, but there was no sound. To time.

"Aaaaaaaa!" she brought out a high-pitched screech, louder than somebody could expect. While Gamzee lifted his hands to his ears, the creature jumped up from the couch and ran past him out of the block. In the corridor she looked around quickly and threw Gamzee a horrified glance before reaching the door and running outside.

Gamzee stood still, assimilating what had just happened. Finally something triggered in his think pan. He immediately ran after oddly being. She hadn't ran too far. Quickly he caught up, grabbed her arm and pulled her back to the hive. She was squirming and shouting something, in a language he couldn't understand. She was weak - like Tavros or Karkat. Gamzee's lazy smile widened slightly. In fact, her behavior was like Karkat's - loud and flailing around.

Finally inside Gamzee closed the door and leaned against it, cutting her way to re-escape. He embraced her, not too hard, but surely, and waited - well, he apparently was good in this. He waited until she finally calmed down. Slowly she quieted and fought less and less. Eventually, she went silent and relaxed with her head on his shoulder.

Gamzee held her at arms length and looked at her face. She looked at him. Her eyes traveled around his face - eyes, nose, mouth, eyes again, then up to his hair and horns. She raised her hand shyly, hesitated in the middle and looked quizzically in his eyes. Gamzee slightly bowed his head toward her. She touched his horns - gently, only with fingertips. A smile blossomed on her lips when her fingers trailed from their base to the tip. She giggled quietly and she had a nice laugh.

Gamzee reached for her hands and gently pulled them down. They were cold, so he didn't let go. "Who are you, sis?" he asked. She shortly frowned and slightly shook her head, then said something Gamzee couldn't understand. Yes, he could make such sounds, but they had no meaning for him. So he let go of one of her hands and pointed at himself.

"Gamzee," he said, then pointed at her while raising eyebrows in question. She looked uncertainly at his finger, and then on his face. She reached toward him and lightly touched his chest.

"Um, Gamzee," she said quietly.

"Motherfucking, yes." Troll smiled broadly and nodded, amazed how much she reminded him Tavros now. She moved her hand from his on hers chest.

"[Name]," she said with a shy smile.

"[Name]," he repeated. He had no idea what it could mean, but it sounded nice.

"Motherfucking, yes." This time her smile was bright and radiant. Gamzee could not resist the sweetness and hugged her. [Name] was like a small, miraculously colorful, lost pet, and he decided to take care of her. Nothing could replace him Goatdad, but he had hope he wouldn't feel so lonely again.


	2. A language lesson

[Name] touched her nose and frowned a little, trying to recall the right word. "A nuse," she said with unsure tone.

"Nah, sis." Gamzee shook his head with a lazy smile - which adored his face whenever [Name] was around - and mimicked her gesture. "A nose. Honk."

"A nose," she repeated and smiled widely. "Nose," she said once again, trying to remember this word.

Five days passed since she had woken up in this strange world, lying on Gamzee's couch. She had no idea how or why it had happened, but she was glad it had. Gamzee seemed to be amusing, although a little strange, clown who usually reacted quite slow. He was nice to her. Feed her. Enjoyed her presence. She liked living with him - in his hive - much more than in that… place where she had… existed.

"This is an arm." She lightly touched the said part of her body. It was still covered in little bruises, but they started to fade away and they didn't hurt anymore.

"Yeah, motherfucker, and this?" Gamzee dipped his fingers into his black mane. [Name] giggled a little and reached to his head. She really enjoyed the felling of his hair. It was soft and puffy – like a fur of small bunny… at least she thought that was how bunnies felt like.

"This are your hair," she said slowly, playing with them and massaging Gamzee's head.

"This is my hair, sis," he corrected her, purring quietly. [Name] had found out that he liked this little entertainment as much as she did. Although, each time she touched base of his candy-like horns, he immediately stopped purring - so, she simply avoided it.

"That feels motherfucking miraculously, sis. Honk." Gamzee leaned forward and put his head on her lap, face down. Smearing his face paint all over her pants, but she didn't mind. She smiled. She still didn't know what 'motherfucking' meant, but she already learned that Gamzee was using it like commas, just like 'honk' often went on the ends of sentences.

[Name] yawned a little. Gamzee slept in days and played at nights. She didn't know why, but apparently he wasn't the only one who did so - Tavros and Karkat did it too. They didn't allow her go outside in daytime. She had asked why, but she hadn't been able to understand their explanation. She yawned again and rubbed her eyes.

"You sleepy, sis?" Gamzee turned his head to look at her. [Name] giggled seeing his ruined make-up and nodded. They had more than hour to sunrise, but she still had problems with staying up all night. He stood up and picked her up, then carried her bridal style upstairs, to her new respiteblock. He placed her on her couch and covered with a blanket. [Name] had tried to sleep in a recuperacoon, but she simply couldn't, she wasn't able to shake that feeling that she would drown as soon as she would fell asleep.

"Miraculous dreams, sis." Gamzee ruffled her hair. She smiled sleepily and replied quietly, only then Gamzee left to his own respiteblock.


	3. Just another morning

[Name] had been living with Gamzee over a month now. She'd turned out to be less colorful that Gamzee had thought – those funny, yellow-purple spots had vanished completely – but he didn't mind, [Name] was a great companion and Gamzee was truly grateful to Mirthful Messiahs for their gift.

"Hi Gam," [Name] walked into the cooking block with a cheerful smile and - as always - messy hair. She approached him in few, bouncy steps and gave him a tight hug.

"Hello my wicked sis." Gamzee hugged her back and, to [Name]'s great amusement, lifted her up and sat on the table. "How were your motherfucking dreams?" he asked, ruffling her hair even more and gaining a resonant giggle.

"It was…" [Name] frowned slightly and crocked her head to one side – a small gesture of hers which always mage Gamzee's smile grow wider. "Strange…? I guess."

"What do you motherfucking mean sis?" the troll asked, rising his brows in wonder. He took a warm slime pie and a bottle of grape Faygo from a countertop and placed it next to [Name].

"I woke up in the middle of huge, nine-pole… cheese board?" She narrowed her eyes and wrinkled her nose. "That's how you call it?" She was sure, she said it wrong, but couldn't recall the right word.

"Motherfucked chessboard sis," Gamzee said it a bit slower than normal to make sure she heard him correctly, "but a board made of cheese seems to ba a wicked idea," he added with a dreamy eyes.

"Yes, it does," [Name] giggled shortly. "So I was in the middle of this chessboard," she dipped her thin fingers in the pie and absentmindedly started to lick them clean – it didn't affect her like it affected trolls and she truly liked its taste – "there were two kings and they were moving in circle… well, square around me." [Name] twisted her wrist drawing a circle in the air. "They weren't doing anything more so I was just lying in a circular platform and watching pictures which appeared on clouds."

"Pictures on clouds? That's motherfucking miraculous, sis," Gamzee's stoned smile widened even more.

"Yes, but that wasn't the best," [Name] beamed with happiness, and clapped with excitement. "I was a troll!" She puffed her chest proudly. "I had gray skin, black hair and horns!" she chuckled, then frowned, "and I was clothed in some odd yellow-purple pajama," she smiled cheerfully again, "but I was a troll!" Laughing merrily she threw her hands in the air.

"Miraculous!" Gamzee tightly wrapped his arms around her only slightly smaller form and made two, quick pirouettes, gaining an explosion of bubbly laughs. "Maybe that means you can become a motherfucking troll sis," he chuckled. "Sis?" [Name] wasn't listening to him, instead she was looking outside the window with a slightly opened mouth. "Sis?" Gamzee turned his head to look outside, but he was stopped by [Name].

"Gam, I have a surprise for you." [Name] said in serious tone, grabbed his hands and pulled out the cookingblock to the corridor. Once in front the front door she turned to him - wide and bright smile on her face. "Close your eyes, Gam."

"All right my wicked sis," with a chuckle he covered his eyes with palms. [Name] giggled sweetly, grabbed one of his elbows she pulled him outside the hive. "Where are we motherfucking going, sis?" Gamzee asked, hearing waves - louder with every step.

"You'll see, just a moment more," she said merrily. "Aaand now you can look," she announced, tugging at Gamzee's sleeve. The purple blood troll slowly uncovered his eyes, blinking few times. At first, he noticed [Name] and her radiant smile. The second, was brown sand. Finally the third was a white creature on the shore. It was big… It had wavy horns… It had fishy tail...

"Dad!" Gamzee ran to Goatdad, grabbing [Name] by the way. "Motherfucking Dad!" he laughed mirthfully, together with [Name] and Goatdad.

After a few minutes of cuddling Gamzee looked at [Name] as serious as stoned clown could. "Sis, when did you motherfucking manage to bring dad?"


	4. The grey foot

[Name] was coming back from Nepeta's hive. She really liked that cat-like troll - her cheerfulness, enthusiasm for shipping anyone with everyone and her drawings. [Name] even had her place on the shipping wall! She was in pale quadrant with Gamzee and she was more than happy because of that. [Name] had known Gamzee for just a little over two months, but she already considered him as her real family.

"Gamzee!" [Name] sang, walking inside the hive she shared with the said troll, "I'm back!" She frowned at prolonging silence. That was unusual - Gamzee would answer immediately, telling her where he was. [Name] walked back outside and looked around the hive. Soon, she spotted Gamzee at seashore. Again. She could feel twinge of sadness in her heart, or blood pusher as trolls called it. Goatdad had left two weeks ago and with each passing day Gamzee was more dispirited.

But this time Gamzee wasn't alone. Karkat was with him. [Name] didn't like that crabby troll for one and only reason: he didn't like her. Why? She had absolutely no idea. He always shouted at her… Well he shouted at everyone, but when he shouted at her there was a disgust in his eyes - he saw her as some freak of nature who should be left deep in a forest.

As [Name] approached those two moirails she could hear what Karkat was shouting and she didn't like it - not at all. He was rambling about her again, that Gamzee should feed some beast with her. But [Name] was used to it, what irritated her were those insults – more than usual - Karkat was addressing to her beloved guardian.

"A1," [Name] said quietly, taking out her mighty weapon from her fetch modus 'Battleship' and she stood right behind, unaware of her presence, Karkat. Then she made a wide swing and forcefully slapped crabby troll in the back of his head.

"AAUGH!" Karkat screamed, reaching his hands up to his damaged head, but remembering to cover his face right before it met Gamzee's knee.

"Hey sis." Gamzee waved at [Name] with his goofy smile. "Welcome back."

"YOU PINK NOOKSNIFFING WATER SACK! WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT FOR?" Karkat collected himself from the ground and stomped in [Name]'s direction, rage burning in his eyes.

"You insulted Gam!" [Name] held out her mighty, steel ruler called 'grey foot'. "No one insults Gam in my presence and goes unharmed!" She announced with a serious face and the tip of her ruler pointing at the angry troll's nose.

"YOU LITTLE ASSHAT!" Karkat was boiling with rage now. "COME HERE YOU FUCKED WATER SACK!" He held out his sickle and once again stomped in her direction. [Name] quickly calculated her chances and coming to conclusion that odds definitely weren't on her side, she ran away. Screaming hysterically - although with tiny bit of amusement - she ran around like Sollux's bees.

After a few minutes of shouting, running and chasing [Name] was caught. But not by Karkat, that was Gamzee. He threw [Name] over his shoulder and ran to his hive, leaving Karkat far behind. Right before the clown closed the door, [Name] saw that Karkat was grumpily walking away.

"So sis, how was you motherfucking day with Nepsis?" Gamzee asked, placing [Name] on the floor.

"Great," she answered with board smile, "Nep promised to teach me how to move like her." That was another reason why [Name] liked Nepeta - she adored how Nep moved while fighting and was unspeakably envious of it.

"That's great, sis." Gamzee ruffled [Name]'s hair. "Want some motherfucked slime pie before we go to sleep?"

"Yup" [Name] answered enthusiastically and, like small chick behind a hen, followed Gamzee to the cookingblock.


	5. Cookies

Gamzee climbed out of his recuperacoon and, not even bothering to cover himself, he lazily went to his bathtub. When he washed and partly liked away all the spoor slime he dressed some boxers he found in the bathblock, put his clown make-up on and went downstairs.

In the cookingblock, Gamzee found [Name]. Just like him, she hadn't bothered much about her clothing and was in her 'pajama' as she called this oversized, black t-shirt and [color] shorts. Humming happily she was gathering different things: half spheres, mixing sticks, eggs, milk and much, much more.

"Oh, hey Gam." [Name] smiled at him, placing a package of flour on the countertop.

"What are you motherfucking doing my wicked sis?" Gamzee asked, approaching her and putting his head on top of hers. He wrapped his hands around her smaller torso and slimed lazily – she was comfortably warm.

"Cookies. Kanaya gave me a recipe yesterday," [Name] giggled quietly and get out of Gamzee's hug, "but I'm going to change it a little," she added taking a jar of spoor slime out of the cupboard.

"It sure will be miraculous." Gamzee petted [Name]'s head. He noticed that her [color] hair were much longer than when they had met for the first time. How much time had passed? Probably something around half a sweep. "Do you motherfucker want me to help you?"

"Yes," [Name] pushed closer to him the package of flour, a big half sphere and a measuring cup, "measure out three cups, please.

"Motherfucking yes my lil' sis." Gamzee filled the cup in only one, shift motion of course getting a little of flour on the countertop. [Name] chuckled, but didn't say anything, still completely concentrated on separating yolks from whites to two other, smaller half spheres. Gamzee poured the flour into the bowl and filled the cup once again – this time carefully. He transferred its content to the half sphere and successfully filled the cup third, last time. But instead of pouring the flour into the half sphere, Gamzee poured it onto [Name]'s head. "Now you have motherfucking white hair, my sis," he chuckled.

"Gamzee," [Name] hissed, stopping with a cracked, but not separated egg in hands, "you will regret that." She smirked and in one swift motion she splashed the egg all over Gamzee's face, then she took one step backwards and, with amused smile she watched Gamzee's reaction.

He reached up his hand to his face and dipped fingers in the white, that slowly flowed down his cheek, then he licked them. It wasn't good nor bad - it was bland. Gamzee looked at [Name], who was still smiling, quickly grabbed her, lifted from the floor and nuzzled his face into her chest.

"No! Gam! Stop it!" [Name] partly shouted and partly laughed. She tried to pull Gamzee's head away, but with one of his hands on her back it was impossible. In this hopeless situation she finally decided to surrender. Giggling slightly, she placed her elbow between Gamzee's horns, supported her head on her hand and started petting Gamzee's raven hair.

"0Are you done?" [Name] asked some time later, when Gamzee stopped pressing her to his face.

"I guess we are motherfucking even, sis." Gamzee looked up at [Name]. His face paint was mixed with egg and smeared all over his happy face and [Name]'s t-shirt.

"You started it, Gam." [Name] pointed out with serious face. "Now, my dear, go to the bathblock and wash yourself," she ordered, shooing him away.

"Yes, mom," Gamzee sang, turned on his heel and went outside the cookingblock. With [Name] still in his grasp.

"But… Gam… Put me down!" [Name] laughed, she already knew what Gamzee was going to do.

"Nah, sis. We are taking a motherfucked bath together."

* * *

A/N: Please, note that both of you are eleven years old :)

_TailsDoll13, Guest, S.I.N1146_ and _8thDimention_ thank you very much for reviews.


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